You’re reading Signal vs. Noise, a publication about the web by 37signals since 1999.

Their second derivative is zero?

My thoughts exactly! I was really hoping this was going to be a witty math reference!

Also, I wish people would stop co-opting physics/math words for their jargon. It makes my ears cry.

I’m starting an online petition to remove “robust” from the English language.

@Drew: Hmm. It will only work if you get a lot of signatures. Better make sure it’s… uhm, never mind.

For those not sure about their motivation, it’s a way to combat used video game sales by forcing people who didn’t buy the game brand new (or those just renting it) to pay $10 to the publisher if they want the online features.

I don’t like Peter Moore. He has been on more companies in the videogame industry then I have bought game consoles from.

And check out the pres release. Too many caps, (tm)’s, (R)’s and meaningless job titles. In other words: generic and, apart from two sentences, not giving any useful information.

We want people playing online so everyone has to buy a copy of our lots of different sports games in order to do so.

This is probably a randomly generated piece of text.

So what he’s saying is roughly: “This is an important moment, because we can focus our business on online services.”

Gaming is one of the last frontiers online software has to cross, but subscription-based services, no installation, instant updates, game community etc. are just too good to pass on.

I don’t like how marketing drones speak. They don’t like how developers speak. Earth shockingly continues to rotate regardless.

I hadn’t caught the geeky math angle (pun intended). I was too busy trying to figure out just how the eff you accelerate a commitment... Lot’s of geeky questions to ask in that regard too: What’s the speed of a commitment in a vacuum? What happens when an unstoppable commitment meets an immovable object?

Still, for a more continuous abuse of English, the press realease for SyFy Channel’s name change takes the cake. Here it is, caps and all:

Syfy IS SCI FI CHANNEL ’S NEW BRAND IDENTITY LAUNCHING ON AIR AND ON LINE JULY 7TH

BRAND EVOLUTION REFLECTS BROADER RANGE OF IMAGINATION -BASED ENTERTAINMENT

CREATES OWNABLE AND EXTENDABLE BRAND FOR THE FUTURE

IMAGINE GREATER TO BECOME NEW TAGLINE

Please note, that when the name was announced, you’d see that exact language if you went to syfy.com. In other words: The language above was intended for the general public to read…

The quote reads like a CAPTCHA . Could they cram anymore more bullshit into one sentence?

He could have snuck a flux capacitor reference in there and no one would have been the wiser.

You know how they have Reneck/Jive/Cockney translators? They need a “Corporate Speak” translator… It would take completely useful sentences and fill in words like platform, robust, synergy, leverage, cross-platform, capabilities, efficiencies, innovative, blah blah blah! You can even mix and match… “we will leverage our cross-platform capabillities to drive greater efficiencies and synergy!”

And for the record, ea games have always a bit of a let down in some ways. Whether it be a little buggy, or over-hyped.

At least he’s not a mission-critical ninja rockstar.

His audience is full of MBA ’s and shareholders. This b/s is part of their culture. The bigger the linguistic tornado, the bigger profit forecast, lol.

On another note, this is why journalists should not quote emails as real quotes in their articles. Gah.

Sounds like MBA -speak for “grease your little corn-holes”

Appologies to the Sarah Palin fans, but this sounded just like her. (for the record, I’m a conservative, fading Republican, but can’t stand her empty-headed jargon-laced statements).

Synergistic!

I would like a new computer please.

I read the post, I re-read the post, then I proceeded to put my fist through the screen.

Almost as bad as my favorite example from an English class, “at this juncture of maturization.”

Maybe this is some sort of sophisticated filter. The businessmen/investors can read that EA is getting ready to milk its customers, while gamers just gloss over the buzzword-speak and enter their credit card numbers.

Now with secret decoder ring in every box!

Could we get a Mr Yuk symbol or something to separate the bad quotes from good? Come here looking for hope and enlightenment… get about six words in and… uh… slap!

Peter Moore, President of EA SPORTS , should be fined for linguistic abuse.

That is meaningless bullshit, and those words do not mean what he thinks they mean. This is someone who suffers from Humpty Dumpty Syndrome:

`But “glory” doesn’t mean “a nice knock-down argument”,’ Alice objected.

`When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, `it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.’

`The question is,’ said Alice, `whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

`The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, `which is to be master—that’s all.’

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything; so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began again. `They’ve a temper, some of them - particularly verbs: they’re the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs—however, I can manage the whole lot of them! Impenetrability! That’s what I say!’

`Would you tell me please,’ said Alice, `what that means?’

`Now you talk like a reasonable child,’ said Humpty Dumpty, looking very much pleased. `I meant by “impenetrability” that we’ve had enough of that subject, and it would be just as well if you’d mention what you mean to do next, as I suppose you don’t mean to stop here all the rest of your life.’

From Through the Looking Glass .

I conclude that these CEO ’s forget what they are saying and subconsciously spew this bullshit. They simply do not remember what they are doing.

RTFA

Everyone is fixating on one, crappy, part of the article.

executive brief: EA is charging $10 for a game’s online account to access online game facilities for people who share or rent a game. They imply that this will enable them to pay for better technology and support. Gamestop seems to be on board. Let the market figure it out.

Move along, nothing interesting here.

I work for this guy. Kill me. Seriously, kill me.

EA used to be a cool company. They treated their developers as stars in the early days and they published great games (including the first game I ever designed, Imperium). But now, they’ve just become another big, dumb corporation. It’s so sad.